Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Your cock deserves a montage
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
