covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
