Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Your dad touched me again.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
