maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
