Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
