the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
