Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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