There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
