Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
