just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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