This is not my ceiling
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
