So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
