My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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