Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When did angry sex become our thing?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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