dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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