Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
