Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
