I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
