She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
