I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
