Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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