New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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