i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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