everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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