ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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