Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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