Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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