I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
