I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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