You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
