Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize