I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I didn't notice because vodka
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
