so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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