so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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