I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
