You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
