The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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