Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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