i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
