I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
