We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
