I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
