Well douche your snatch and let's go!
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
