I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize