New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
