my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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