I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
