He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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