I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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