if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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