woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
What a dumb baby whore.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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