Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
