he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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