He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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