At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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