I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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