you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
