the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
