And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
