I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize