Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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