Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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