I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize