I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
