Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We need to get me chipped asap
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize