Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have demons in me.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
