Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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