got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
