..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
