White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
