sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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