burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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