I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Sacagawea was the original milf.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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