If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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