I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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