mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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