capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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