Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
