You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
