pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
